Weekend Pick for June 28, 2024

Weekend Pick for June 28, 2024

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Shelly Shaffer is concluding June Weekend Picks with another wonderful suggestions. To remind, Dr. Shaffer is an Associate Professor of Literacy at Eastern Washington University. She is our weekend pick contributor for this weekend. Dr. Shaffer loves sharing books she’s read and her passion for anything Young Adult. She is happiest curled up with a book and her bulldogs.
Thank you so much, Shelly, for your incredibly thoughtful book suggestions and their review!   

The Way I Am Now: A Sequel to Amber Smith’s The Way I Used to Be

​For many YA readers, Amber Smith’s The Way I Used to Be (2016b) was a devastating read. It provided a mirror for teens who had experienced sexual assault and a window for those who–luckily–hadn’t (Bishop, 1990). The Way I Used to Be takes readers into the life of Eden, a freshman girl who tried to stay in the background, a good girl who was fairly anonymous at school and home. When she is raped, she realizes she cannot remain in the background any longer, but her desperation to be seen and heard results in a downward spiral of promiscuity, drinking, and drugs. When I first read The Way I Use to Be, I felt seen in a way that I, personally, had never felt before. Smith captured some of my inner psyche, and I felt both shame and absolution for who I had once been. 

​Eden needed to learn that “she is worthy — and she always was worthy — of speaking out, standing up for herself, and demanding to be seen and heard” (Smith, 2016a). Eden’s silence in The Way I Used to Be, is similar to characters in other YA texts (e.g., Identical [Hopkins, 2008] or Speak [Anderson, 1999]) that address sexual assault. In each book, the characters eventually find their voices, and teen readers who find themselves in similar situations can find hope from these characters that speak up for themselves and find their voices. Smith shares, “Sexual violence is an epidemic, and while I don’t claim to have all the answers, I do know that silence is also a force of violence. When left unchecked, it can and will wreak havoc, not only in the life of its victim, but in the lives of everyone that person touches” (2016a).  

Amber Smith. Photo credit Deborah Triplett (https://d28hgpri8am2if.cloudfront.net/tagged_assets/ 2597621/506186127_hr.jpg)

​There is a story behind these novels. Smith’s original author’s note states, “Though this is a work of fiction, I recognize the millions of real-life teens who have, in some way, shared Eden’s experience. Unfortunately, theirs are not new stories, but they are ones that need desperately to be told. Over and over and over” (2016, p. 369). However, in The Way I Am Now, Smith acknowledges that her first book “was…writing…for myself, to work through my own thoughts and feelings as a survivor, as well as someone who has known many other survivors of violence and abuse” (2023, “A Note from the Author,” front pages). It took Smith several years to write an ending to Eden’s story that would do the character (and herself) justice. She shares, “I couldn’t bring myself to write an ending I didn’t believe in my heart could really happen. And I also couldn’t bear to give Eden an ending that was anything less than she deserved. So I left the story off with a hope, a wish” (Smith, 2023, “A Note from the Author,” front pages). The trauma was too close and too personal; “at its core it’s about finding your voice, and in writing it, I found mine” (Smith, 2023, “A Note from the Author,” front pages). Smith finally found the fortitude and strength to write the next chapter in Eden’s story–a new beginning that finally seemed possible. ​

​

​Her newest book, The Way I Am Now, takes us to the second half of Eden’s senior year and into college. This book takes place after Eden has disclosed her rape to her friends and family, and the rapist is now facing charges in court. This book shows us a glimpse of how to move forward. Eden is healing. She has finally opened up about her experience and is waiting to testify at her rapist’s trial–though she is terrified to face him in open court and to publicly acknowledge her trauma. She now knows that she wasn’t the only victim; others have come forward to testify in the case, as well. 

​During the first book, she developed a relationship with Josh, a basketball player a few grades ahead of Eden in school. Josh and Eden connected in a rare way. Despite this, both teens struggled with their own trauma–Eden with her rape and Josh with an alcoholic father. Despite Josh being the first one she disclosed her rape to, her relationship with Josh fizzled out.

At the point where The Way I Am Now begins, Eden finally has a chance of healing and making a fresh start. She finds strength in her best friend, and her new college roommate. But, her family is having a hard time dealing with the fact that she was raped under their roof. Eden’s dad will barely look at her, and her older brother has quit playing basketball all together. 

Eden’s trauma impacted her grades, and this has limited her options for college. She knows it will be a long, hard struggle to find a path forward, so when she’s accepted to the same college former boyfriend Josh attends, she sees this as a way of escaping from–the bedroom where she was raped, the house with so many reminders of her trauma, and the town that still blames the victims for ruining their budding basketball star/rapist’s future. This book explores Eden’s path forward, and her journey toward healing and becoming whole.
This pair of novels is a must read for anyone interested in stories of love and hate, violence and justice, and pain and healing. Amber Smith leaves readers satisfied and hopeful. 

References
Anderson, L. H. (1999). Speak. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Bishop, R. S. (1990). Mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors. Perspectives: Choosing and Using Books for the Classroom, 6(3).
Hopkins, E. (2008). Identical. Margaret K. McElderry.
Smith, A. (2016a). The story behind ‘The way I used to be’: An essay by author Amber Smith. Germ Magazine. https://germmagazine.com/amber-smith-the-story-behind-the-story/
Smith, A. (2016b). The way I used to be. Margaret K. McElderry.
Smith, A. (2023). The way I am now. Margaret K. McElderry.